I have not celebrated Ash Wednesday for years and now my boyfriend and I will be giving things up for the first time in years. When I was younger I used to celebrate lent by giving up junk food. This year I thinking about giving up more. My boyfriend will be giving up smoking cigarettes and fast food. Since I have not celebrated lent in years I want to test my will by giving up drinking, smoking cigarettes and weed, and sex. I have not gone a week without having sex. I would have to throw out all my vibrators so there will be no temptations. The only problem is that if I give it up, so will my boyfriend. The drinking will just annoy me because everywhere I go there are people playing drinking games and the constant saying of “Drink Bitch”. The smoking is something that I will have to stop anyway. I know that if I test positive for weed I will never get a decent job. This will be the hardest thing that I will ever have to do. I don’t even know why I want to practice lent, I guess you do crazy things when you are in love.

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah, last year at this time I would’ve been excited, this year I’m not. You see, last year I tried to convert to Judaism from Christianity so I celebrated all the Jewish holidays and went to temple. Right now, I have no clue what I am or what I want to be. I’m so confused. It feels like I could never be what I want to be. I could never be accepted as a Jew because I was not born Jewish. My mother will never accept it because she is an old Polish Catholic and would never welcome this change. It also doesn’t help that I love someone who is Greek Orthodox and if I ever married him I would have to be Orthodox. I could never be the religion that I would want to be.