This past week we watched the documentary “Thin” and it was difficult to watch. This movie was a look into an eating disorder treatment center in Florida. Women and girls from all lifestyles are patients here. The rules of the center were simple weighing multiple times a day, no sneaking food out of the dinning hall, daily supplements, group and individual therapy, and surprise room checks. While I was watching, the movie there was a girl who was receiving treatment only because her mother was forcing her. While she was in group therapy, she told the group that she did not want to be there and that she would rather die so that she could be thin. This hit me hard because here I am complaining about my weight and I am healthy. This girl was not even 100 pounds, complain that she has a double chin, and she did not care about her life. I was crying for her as well as myself. At the end of the movie it was not shocking that once the women were discharged many would relapse once they returned home. While others like Polly eventually committed suicide. Eating disorders are silent killers for many men and women of any age or nationality.

I myself have been struggling with my own inner demons due to my weight. There was one part of the movie where I ran out of the room and into the women’s bathroom to cry my eyes out. Since we have been learning about eating disorders, it has caused me to stop and think about my own body image. I am still not happy that I weight 140 and not the 118, I used to, while all I was thinking to myself was I WANT TO BE THIN!! I would start to look at myself in the mirror and all I could see is a belly. I could not stand it that none of my pants could fit or even if they could fit all I could see was a large Buddha belly that was not there before. Everyone round noticed that I was spiraling down into a massive depression. I was even saying thing I would never had said in a million years “Do you know how many calories are in that”. That is not me at all. I am that one girl who loves to go with friends to a buffet and out eat everyone and when we all go to the movies I want my popcorn swimming in butter. There was something seriously wrong with me. If I let it go any further, I could have developed an eating disorder.

I could now see how powerful an eating disorder is. I was having unhealthy thoughts about eating and food for a week, while the girls in the movie had been dealing with it their whole lives. There were girls who had to get on a scale backwards so that they would not see their weight. Counting every calories and fat condense during each meal. Finally, one girl was told that she had to leave the treatment center, the shock and the stress from that news resulting to her old habits of purging.

At least one good thing happened from watching this movie the unhealthy thoughts are gone. I do not want to live everyday counting calories and killing myself inside. I want to be able to eat whatever food I want, with limitations of course, without worrying that I will gain one or two pounds. Do I still want to be 118? Yes, I do. I will never kill myself over a number.