Ever since Alex moving to Columbus I have started smoking. At first I started smoking because my stress release method was not working. My fingers and toes have been cut and bleeding so long that my tolerance is so high that I can’t feel it anymore. I wanted a new way to lose myself in the pain of losing somebody again. One of my best guy friend, Gimpy, smokes all the time and he offered my first hit. I felt better after and I just wanted more. I fell asleep after I was done smoking away from all the pain away. I was smoking about twice a week for a couple of months afterwards. I wanted to pain and insecurities to go away. Ever since I went to visit Alex in Columbus I have slowed down, I don’t smoke as much or as often but I still smoke. I want to stop because the next day I feel terrible and I can Alex’s face shaking his head in disapproval, when I think about it I start to cry. The last time I smoked was Feb 14, 2007