Ever since Alex moving to Columbus I have started smoking. At first I started smoking because my stress release method was not working. My fingers and toes have been cut and bleeding so long that my tolerance is so high that I can’t feel it anymore. I wanted a new way to lose myself in the pain of losing somebody again. One of my best guy friend, Gimpy, smokes all the time and he offered my first hit. I felt better after and I just wanted more. I fell asleep after I was done smoking away from all the pain away. I was smoking about twice a week for a couple of months afterwards. I wanted to pain and insecurities to go away. Ever since I went to visit Alex in Columbus I have slowed down, I don’t smoke as much or as often but I still smoke. I want to stop because the next day I feel terrible and I can Alex’s face shaking his head in disapproval, when I think about it I start to cry. The last time I smoked was Feb 14, 2007

I’m a part of a fabulous tree called the Freak Tree.  Our name comes from the head of the tree, nickname Freak 1 and myself the ultimate Freak, and that is how the name was discovered.  The head of the tree A. is fun, crazy, and wild.  I have a great big E. that is always there for me no matter what stupid things that I do this week.  My first little M. is great.  She only in the sorority of one semester, and we were able to have a lasting friendship.  How great is it that she made me one of her bridesmaids when got married.  My second little A. is adorable and crazy.  I have an interesting relationship with her.  We can both call each other and bitch about our day and then talk about anything.  I have two great grand littles A. and B. and I love them both.  I can relate to B. because everything medical that I have gone through she has as well.  A. is young and crazy.  I love her, she called me so that I could talk to her friend about sex.  She can always make me laugh.  And finally I have a couple of great great littles that are so cute.  I feel so old.  The thing that I love the most about my portion of the tree is that just like our name we are all Freaks.  Sometimes I wonder whether would I be if I didn’t have these wonderful girls in my life.  These girls are the only ones that know the intimate details of my life.  They know when I’m happy, sad, or even sick.  Here’s to the Freaks.